WARNING: This is NOT a health post about how people should be aware of eating disorders!!
As a cast I believe that we are all obsessed with eating disorders. It’s not that we don’t like to eat because we most certainly get our eat on every lunch and dinner! It’s just that we love to make jokes about them! Yesterday Lindsay, our girl next door, confessed to us that she absolutely LOVES those Lifetime movies about eating disorders. This was after a hilarious discussion where we decided that we would take up one form of eating disorder or another while we trained for the shows. One of us would have Chocolatemia, another would have Overeatemia, and our Italian Stallion said that he would have Masterbationemia. I vowed to have Gymorexia. Tickled by that idea we all took a trip to the health food store last night after dinner. While we were there we mused over the teas and remedies that make you go poop! Anything and everything was there from “poop your brains out” teas to “smooth moving along” teas and powders. We were all discussing our movements with the extremely patient health foods guy and laughing our asses off. I purchased one of the “poop your brains out” teas and vowed to share one of the bags with Ms. Heartbreaker Molly. As we made our way back to the hotel Gary the Bari commented that he always wanted to be anorexic but just didn’t have the will power. Well that sent everyone into a laughing tizzy and the whole conversation started all over again!!! To top that off the conversation continued the next morning when we talked about colon cleansing on the way to rehearsal. On the way back we discussed starting a band called “Bulimia” with our hit being a remake of the song “Tomorrow” from Annie. The lyrics began “I’ll puke my brains out/Tomorrow!” Our future engagements included a battle of the bands with “The Anorexics!” Oh, gosh! I haven’t laughed that hard in a very long time!
We have all been bonding over potty humor and other remedies this week but the fun really didn’t begin until we got our VAN! Yes, ya’ll we traded in the Pontiac and got jiggy with a Toyota van that initially smelled like sex funk, bootyjuice and air freshener. We’ve got room to relax and spread out but, breathing those first whiffs of the air conditioned wind of funk made us want to puke our guts out! But that stank ass van is ours and we love it! Our first trip was to the bank where we greedily cashed our checks!! Noting like a little money in the pockets to get the weekend started!
Kicking off our weekend we got our first taste of the strip and saw Dolly, our sweet little Vocal Director, in an all chick band at the Orleans. Those divas really rocked the house!
We also met Bonnie, a real bonnie lass, who kicked a version of “Proud Mary” square in the balls and knocked it out! We all had a great time but the night was still young! Billy the Stallion and I went off to a club and put on a sex show with our clothes on! One guy offered us $200 to get on the stage but I was afraid of getting too wild and losing my wig so I graciously declined! J Gary the Bari tended to Jocelyn, his pregnant best friend after several rounds of Guiness. They apparently succumbed to her pregnant cravings of hot wings and doughnuts in the wee hours. Heartbreaker Molly and Girl Next Door Lindsay coupled off with Lindsay’s man, Alfredo and his hottie friend Justin. As per usual Molly broke his heart, spurning his advances since he is “not her type.” Still they managed to have a blast at the Dueling Piano Bar! And no one made it home before three AM! So there!
Before I go I must make mention of the wondrous and awesome beauty that God put on for us Monday evening. It very rarely rains in Vegas but on this evening there were storms mixed with sun which was the perfect recipe for, yes, you guessed it, RAINBOWS!! I have to tell you that God gave us a full fledged arch with every single color in the spectrum! We all had to stand for a moment and admire the beauty of it all. With all the glitz and glamour of the strip in the distance, it was still trumped by the awesome yet simple beauty of a rainbow. As usual, God Blessed everyone!
Signing off, Marsha