Tuesday, September 9, 2008


WARNING: This is NOT a health post about how people should be aware of eating disorders!!

As a cast I believe that we are all obsessed with eating disorders. It’s not that we don’t like to eat because we most certainly get our eat on every lunch and dinner! It’s just that we love to make jokes about them! Yesterday Lindsay, our girl next door, confessed to us that she absolutely LOVES those Lifetime movies about eating disorders. This was after a hilarious discussion where we decided that we would take up one form of eating disorder or another while we trained for the shows. One of us would have Chocolatemia, another would have Overeatemia, and our Italian Stallion said that he would have Masterbationemia. I vowed to have Gymorexia. Tickled by that idea we all took a trip to the health food store last night after dinner. While we were there we mused over the teas and remedies that make you go poop! Anything and everything was there from “poop your brains out” teas to “smooth moving along” teas and powders. We were all discussing our movements with the extremely patient health foods guy and laughing our asses off. I purchased one of the “poop your brains out” teas and vowed to share one of the bags with Ms. Heartbreaker Molly. As we made our way back to the hotel Gary the Bari commented that he always wanted to be anorexic but just didn’t have the will power. Well that sent everyone into a laughing tizzy and the whole conversation started all over again!!! To top that off the conversation continued the next morning when we talked about colon cleansing on the way to rehearsal. On the way back we discussed starting a band called “Bulimia” with our hit being a remake of the song “Tomorrow” from Annie. The lyrics began “I’ll puke my brains out/Tomorrow!” Our future engagements included a battle of the bands with “The Anorexics!” Oh, gosh! I haven’t laughed that hard in a very long time!

We have all been bonding over potty humor and other remedies this week but the fun really didn’t begin until we got our VAN! Yes, ya’ll we traded in the Pontiac and got jiggy with a Toyota van that initially smelled like sex funk, bootyjuice and air freshener. We’ve got room to relax and spread out but, breathing those first whiffs of the air conditioned wind of funk made us want to puke our guts out! But that stank ass van is ours and we love it! Our first trip was to the bank where we greedily cashed our checks!! Noting like a little money in the pockets to get the weekend started!

Kicking off our weekend we got our first taste of the strip and saw Dolly, our sweet little Vocal Director, in an all chick band at the Orleans. Those divas really rocked the house!
We also met Bonnie, a real bonnie lass, who kicked a version of “Proud Mary” square in the balls and knocked it out! We all had a great time but the night was still young! Billy the Stallion and I went off to a club and put on a sex show with our clothes on! One guy offered us $200 to get on the stage but I was afraid of getting too wild and losing my wig so I graciously declined! J Gary the Bari tended to Jocelyn, his pregnant best friend after several rounds of Guiness. They apparently succumbed to her pregnant cravings of hot wings and doughnuts in the wee hours. Heartbreaker Molly and Girl Next Door Lindsay coupled off with Lindsay’s man, Alfredo and his hottie friend Justin. As per usual Molly broke his heart, spurning his advances since he is “not her type.” Still they managed to have a blast at the Dueling Piano Bar! And no one made it home before three AM! So there!

Before I go I must make mention of the wondrous and awesome beauty that God put on for us Monday evening. It very rarely rains in Vegas but on this evening there were storms mixed with sun which was the perfect recipe for, yes, you guessed it, RAINBOWS!! I have to tell you that God gave us a full fledged arch with every single color in the spectrum! We all had to stand for a moment and admire the beauty of it all. With all the glitz and glamour of the strip in the distance, it was still trumped by the awesome yet simple beauty of a rainbow. As usual, God Blessed everyone!

Signing off, Marsha

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Five Nights In Vegas

Fast, frenetic, fabulous and somewhat frazzled is how I can describe the past few days after getting into Vegas. I am here with Gary (the Bari), Molly (the Heartbreaker), Lindsay (the Girl Next Door) and Billy (the Italian Stallion) to make up the cast of five for Celebrity's AZAMARA Journey. We all arrived on Saturday the 30th of August and in only five days have managed to bond with potty humor, pity humor and "post traumatic stress from not having a car" humor! (Can we get to Wal-Mart and Trader Joes already!? I'm just sayin'!!) Our production crew has promised and promised and promised to get a vehicle for us and finally produced......drumroll please.............. a Pontiac? Ummm. WTF...? Can we say "Yikes!!"? Our crew may be slender but please get us some breathing room! My ass is cramping! LOL!

Our hotel is a brand newbie with free breakfast, gym, pool, business center, coin laundry and almost everything we could want! Everything, that is, except a fridge and a microwave. We've been eating out every night and although the food choices around here are pretty good, we just want to have a nice, home-microwaved meal like any other normal American. Well, I guess we'll just have to hang that idea up because there's no way the hotel is putting a fridge or microwave in any of our rooms without an upgrade! So we just have to suck it up for another two weeks. It's a good thing that there is a SUPER GYM right next door to our hotel. I tell ya, if I had it my way I would live at that GYM!!! Now that place has EVERYTHING! There's a health food cafe, a pool, saunas, steam rooms, a track, a million treadmills, stairclimbers and cardio equipment (I'm not kidding!) and weight machines beyond your wildest dreams (or nightmares)! Plus two rooms for classes which include Yoga, Pilates, Latin Dance and Hip Hop too!! Ya'll know I am a gym rat, so my little head was about to pop off when I saw all of this! And New York Gyms ain't got nothing on these prices! For under forty bucks you can get a weekly pass or you can get three months for under a hundred bucks! This means that I could actually afford to join the gym and have full access! This is not a luxury I have experienced in New York (yet). Ah, the beauty of Vegas! I will not have to worry about my ass spreading because it is only steps away from the hotel!! OK, I am going to end that subject there because I am starting to sound like an infomercial!

I have to tell you a little about our production team which is a jolly, motley crew. Katie is a babycake who is doing all of the admin and also teaching staging and choreography. She gets the top award for wearing the most hats. Our producer Mike is a laid back storyteller who is always asking us if we know people we really don't know. Mike's famous opening line is, "Hey do you guys know...." and then follows it up with a story...or two...or seven. Bruce is our music supervisor who would rather live in New Orleans (without the hurricanes of course). He's always playing some down home, Zydeco style music while jammin' behind the makeshift work desk in the rehearsal hall. "Jam on, Bruce, jam on!" Dolly, our sweet, self effacing vocal director, is plunking and plinking out our notes for us and is always apologizing for her lack of rhythm, not wearing her glasses and going cross eyed after 2pm. Dolly may drive us all a little nuts sometimes but she's just a sweetie pie so we luv here just the same. Last, but most certainly not least, we have to say a word for the owner of the studio, Blair Farrington, and that word is: SUPERHOTTIELICIOUS!!! I think everyone's head snapped and tongues were wagging at his introduction! Yummy yummy coacoa puffs! He's as hot as Clooney!

So that's the crew. We've been whiplashed into rehearsals and have almost finished learning the music for the first show already. We'll put it on it's feet by Saturday and then start learning the next one. In the meantime I am sure that the craziness of show business will ensue!

Signing off!